The Wisdom of PMB

The Master
Come on, what are you waiting for?
Came an exasperated whisper from a spectator so bold
Tried to look deeper but still couldn't find a cure
Good thing my opponent had on a blindfold
So he couldn't see the sweat dripping down my brow
My Knight is stuck in the open with no sanctuary
My Bishop is praying as I should have some how
But still I played on stoic blissfully stationary
Except for the rythmic swaying of my knee
He moved away to another in the simul
I could tell the other was faring just as well as me
After three moves in my chances wouldn't have filled a thimble
I shouldn't have choose to play cause now it is a hassle
My Pawns were on the front lines cowering
My King threw up his hands and retreated into his castle
Even without sight of the board his play was overpowering
I had no towel but if I did I would have tossed it in
And no way should I have been black against this fellow
This game began and to quickly reached its end
Found out my play is really slackin
Cause my knight got slayed by his Dragon
And I can't play the Piano
Only added to my opponents ego
It is a sure fire cinch
That I can't even draw in the French!
Can't make heads or tails out of what this says
Guess I should stop trying to study the Roy Lupez
Never can find the right plan
Whenever I try the Orangutan
I may win one out of every million
Every time I play the Sicilian
That doesn't stop me from giving it my all
While employing the Stone Wall
I am constantly irked
With my quality of play in the Pirc
I never know exactly where to go
After a couple moves in the Benko
My moves always got mixed up and entertwined
When I try to indulge in the Alekhine

Sitting and dreaming of the perfect position
My opponent has been scheming and it was his tradition
To win every game at the tournament he is at
So I bow my head in shame and to him I tip my hat
I watched his progress throughout the tournament
He had amazing success with no adjournments
Winning every game to reach trophy and prize
Which he didn't show to claim much to everyones surprise
Just an envelope to be opened and read aloud
Someone opened it and with a choke addressed the crowd
It read that he had died sometime that morning
I stood and silently cried and was left wondering
It continued and said give the money to charity
His wife in his stead shall pick up the trophy
You see he was poor and ever since his birth
He had not so little more than chess to show his worth
Getting together we agreed, done the task then waited for the moment
So when she arrived she could see the trophy had become a monument
To his memory this is dedicated, He was one of the best
From all of his Friends (Family) who appreciated his devotion to Chess

LPO (Latest Positional Obstacle) or (Latest Positional Obstruction)
Callin PMB, Yeah, thats me
Laying down all my sorrow
on a failed fianchetto
but you know I will be back
to make that rook sac
watch as I shake and wiggle
securing my dominance down the middle
all my pawns got nine lives
my opponents swear I can read their minds
their hands shake as they make their move
watching me do my "queen my pawn" touch down groove
but alas I only have earthly not godly shoes
cause now I have the Post Mortem Bluessssssssssss

Calling the PMB, yeah, that be me
my opponent has red in his eyes
cause I got a pawn thats a queen in disguise
lookin out across this 64 spuare field
thinkin sacrificial rook sac to start off an attack
but upon further reflection and mental calculation
don't like what it would yield
so now I am stuck
as if in this rut
shuffling this rook to here and there
he thinks I am novice cause the game is looking drawish
but there is no quick end anywhere near
so I sit and shed a tear or two
cause I am so Post Mortem Blueeeeeeeeeeeee

CHORUS- You down with PMB, Yeah thats me-CHORUS
Learned all your moves from watching a video
Clocks no longer tickin cause everyones gone digital
Learnin new ways of getting your opponent idled
So one day you can get that master title
Plot the course of the game with algebraic notation
Doesn't hurt to use subversive covert flirtation
See the word chess on my shirt, imblazened on my cap
If you aint into that then I don't give a crap
Searched and searched the 'ole chess book store
Got 2000 Chess Books but I always want more
They tell me chess is just a game
If they can't see chess is life, I think its a shame
Now we sit and languish in defeat
Hey but atleast it keeps us off the street
Got holes in my pockets and holes in my shoes
Now I am also stricken with the